ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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