I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Randomize
