why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
