Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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