I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
