Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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