btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize