if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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