She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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