I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I have aggressive nipples.
Randomize
