I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
The beer is more important than you right now.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
