Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
