I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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