How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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