Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
