I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
