Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
