i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
