You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
