We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
