where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
