Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
