She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
