So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
