What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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