Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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