the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Randomize
