What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
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