I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
So here I am, sexting at work.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
