all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
