And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
