I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
why do cheetos always look like penises
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize