Whatcha textin bout Willis?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
