I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
