I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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