dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
