His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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