woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
