Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
