and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
