Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
