took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
