just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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