umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize