I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
