I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
