After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
