I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize