you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
