Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
