I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
