i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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