I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize