Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
