There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Randomize
