1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
