i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
