i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
