I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
