Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
