Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
