1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
