Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
