Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
