There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
