I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
