Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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