i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
