Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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