Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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