I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
