i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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