R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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