he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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