dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
