i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
no you cant smoke seaweed
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
