I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
