the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
