Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
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