Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
