quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize