Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
