Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
