Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
