My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
