Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
