I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
