So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
