you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
handjob tips. give me some.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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