He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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