What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you traded sex for a burrito?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
