he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
