Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
People with herpes should wear stickers.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
