At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
