Whats the glycemic index on semen?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
