yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
