I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
